Happy Birthday Mr. Cupid

Today is my Dad’s birthday. Every year I write a little post either on his birthday, father’s day or the day that he passed. Just a little “shout out” to my Daddy.  I don’t want to commemorate the day of his death and I’ve given father’s day to my husband as it’s suppose to be a day of celebration but today it’s  his birthday and it seems a fitting day to give a little love. It’s been 4 years since my Dad passed and I can still hear his deep booming voice. I can still see him leaning on the railing at the front door of his house as we all headed out after New Years Day dinner. I can still see the pure joy in his eyes as he watched his grandchildren play soccer. I smile whenever I hear the word mosquito or sandwich  because I recall what his crazy accent would do to those two words. Best of all I relish in watching my oldest son, who is so much like his grandfather. The little mannerisms, the sense of humor, the quick but quiet wit and the sudden deep laugh that isn’t as easy as the others and just that much sweeter when you hear it. You see there are very few ‘quiet’ ones in my family and I know that Emmett got his demeanor not at all from me but from my father. They are so similar it’s frightening. Every so often Emmett will look at me a certain way and I can see my father living on through him. It may sound silly but in the winter last year, Elijah was on the school bus, I knew I would worry about it and yet I couldn’t ‘do’ anything.  So every day last  winter I sent him off to school wearing his Grandpa’s scarf.  It made me feel better.

When I was going through my divorce 14 years ago I wrote my Dad a letter.  I wanted to make sure that he knew how grateful I was for him, if not for the strength he showed all those years ago I don’t know if I would have had the strength to leave.  It’s weird to thank your parent for divorcing but  for my sake and the sake of my future relationships if really was the best thing. It was an extremely heart felt letter of thanks and I knew it meant a lot to him but not how much until after he had died.  You see when my Dad would go traveling with his beloved wife Gail he would hide  things that meant the most to him in old suits that were hanging in a closet on the 3rd level of his house.  He thought that “things” might get stolen but no one would think to look for his treasures in the pocket of an old suit.  The letter that I wrote him thanking him for being my Daddy was in one of those suits.  It was one of his most treasured items.  That thought has comforted me through the years he’s been gone because I know that not only did he loved me, more importantly I know that HE knew how much I loved him.  I made sure to put that letter where it belonged, with him, when he died.

Sadly today, all I can feel is the empty part in my heart. I miss him horribly. I miss him on his birthday more than any other day of the year, because it’s HIS day. He would have been 79. I would have teased him about his horrible graying mustache. I would have made a joke about his hair ring. I would have hugged him, and smelled him (my dad always smelled so good). Instead I will share my Dad with all of you.

Happy Birthday Dad!