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Holy crap I did it!

Posted by Allison on December 24, 2009

Well I did it, I blogged an advent calendar. I’m shocked actually. This year has been one of many spectacular ups and horrible downs and I’m so grateful that I have this blog to express myself.

I’ve gone from this….

To this….

Which is a fairly significant loss of ‘me’. I always hate pictures of myself because in my mind I look amazing and pictures tend to show a reality I’m not willing to accept. but I’m getting more comfortable with me in my skin (even though that skin is stretch marked and the hair is greying) Let’s just say there are less pictures that I cringed at and more pictures I’m willing to put ‘out there’. So it’s a good start and 2010 will bring even more change. I’m hoping that I’ll come to embrace what that change may be over the next few months. One thing that will no longer be, I’m coming back to me. I am 40 years old and no longer willing to change who I am. If that means there are less people around me then so be it. I really like me. I was so less me when I was younger but really if I’m going to live until I’m 80 I’m half way there. Do I really want to live the last half of my life not being my authentic self? I think that hiding who I am because I fear what others may think is a thing for your teens and twenties and I am no where near that…as my knees remind me on a daily basis. So 2010 will bring more yoga, more writing, more laughter, more me.

8 Responses to “Holy crap I did it!”

  1. Great post. Visiting from SITS to say Happy Christmas!

  2. Way to go!! I may take your lead and blog an “un-advent” calendar – the next 25 days of hellish new years stuff!!
    Have a happy Christmas!!!

  3. becs said

    Love this post. Especially about being ‘you’. I like to think I don’t care what others think, but sometimes I still do. Especially when it comes to politics or religion since 98% of the people I know are republican christians. My few good friends that are most like me, are not. And I do have some close friends that are republican and christian, but non judgemental. It’s not the christian part I don’t like, it’s the judgemental religious part…you know what I mean on this. Anyway keeping it real is what makes you so appealing and awesome. If someone can’t see it, screw em! Oh and Merry Christmas 🙂

  4. anji said

    awesome loss! how much did you lose? here’s my weight loss page… I am going to get my brother (from Edmonton now!) to take some pics of me in my old fat clothes this week, and some new ones in better clothes… and will get them up there. 43 pounds… doesn’t feel different but – I know it must make a difference. I can’t wait for the next 43 to find a new home!

    Are you on facebook? I crashed my car today. If you want to see the pics, let me know… and I’ll add you on there. God definitely wants me to stick around for a little while longer!


  5. Allison said

    I haven’t a clue anji, don’t own a scale…..i haven’t in a long time. weird eh?

  6. anji said

    not weird at all!

    I’m a numbers person, I need to see the numbers drop in order to measure progress — only because, I’m not able to “see” myself. I’ll always think I’m almost 300 pounds, even when I’m 150. THAT is weird!

  7. Allison said

    I so get that Anji, I always think I look way better than I actually do…body dismorphia…but pictures don’t lie as I don’t have photoshop!

  8. Lynne said

    Hi – stopping by from SITS – congrats on your day!

    I have photoshop and the first thing I learned was how to get rid of my double chin, I really cannot help it.

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