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Avoiding work 101

Posted by Allison on September 5, 2007

You know I start my day reading blogs right? Well no, I start my day driving various children to various schools, swearing at morning drivers, drinking coffee and the ever-popular morning consitutional BUT THEN I read my morning blogs (and gossip columns). This morning I started with Marin cause she’s Marin (of course by start I mean AFTER people.com and tmz.com just in case something important happened over night). This start led to no more blog reading and curious searching on the internet to find a line that was one of my favorite lines of all times. Sometimes I get a new saying and hold on to it for years to come….”hot clue“, “i’m outie“, “as IF“, “I gave him my heart, and he gave me a pen” (gender changed for believability) “Vandelay Industries, Vandelay Industries” come to mind as well as the “Helllloooooo” off the talking stomach on Seinfeild which is STILL funny. Other times I forget something that was alarmingly funny at the time but for whatever reason (read alcohol) I let it slip through my fingers. Such is the case with the following line. Told to me by a boy in the middle of Confetti La Club circa 1988 and brought back to my attention this morning while sitting at my computer reading AntiM.  The line is….. “but you fuck one goat’. (I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in)

There are many tellings of the joke and here are a few to bring a smile to your face (and most likely a call to social services from my mother in law to get her dear grandchildren away from the freak her son married)

ONE (cause anything with a scottish accent is much funnier)

An American tourist walks into a pub in Scotland, sits down at the bar, and orders an ale. The pub’s pretty empty, but in the corner, he sees a sad old man staring into his mug.

“What’s the deal with him?”, he asks the bartender.
“Ahhh, that be old MacGreggor.”, the bartender responds. “Buy him a brew, and I’m sure he’ll spin ye’ a tale.”

So the tourist buys another ale, brings it over to MacGreggor, and sits down with him. Without any prompting, MacGreggor begins to speak.

“Laddie,” he says, “ya’ see that keg in the corner? I brewed that ale meself. I gathered the hops and barley… I mixed in the sugar and yeast… I let it all ferment in me basement. But do ye’ think they call me MacGreggor the brewer? Ohhhh no, laddie.”

“Laddie,” he continues, “ya’ see that bar over there? I built it with me own two hands. I cut down the oak trees that it came from… I hammered the nails… I stained it and polished it meself. But do ye’ think they call me MacGreggor the carpenter? Ohhhhhh no, laddie.”

“Laddie,” the old man went on, “look out the winda’ there, and ye’ll see a golf course. I designed it meself… I cut down the grass… I built up the bunkers… I even hauled in sand for the sandtraps. But do ya’ think they call me MacGreggor the groundskeeper? Ohhhhhhh no, laddie.”

“But laddie, you fuck one goat…”

TWO
A young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer. He walks into a bar, and sees a grizzled old man, crying into his beer. Curious, the young man sits down and says, “Hey old timer, why the long face?”

The old man looks at him and points out the window, “See that dock out there? I built that dock with my own two hands, plank by plank, nail by nail, but do they call me Simon the dockbuilder? No, no.”

The old man continued, “And see that ship out there? I’ve been fishing these waters for my village for 35 years! but do they call me Simon the fisherman? No, no. ”

The old man continued, “And see all the crops in the farms out there? I planted and have been farming those crops for my village for nearly 45 years! but do they call me Simon the farmer? No, no. ”

The old man starts to cry again, “But you fuck one goat…”

THREE

2 Responses to “Avoiding work 101”

  1. Marin said

    And see? In my version (told to me by a luscious captain in the New Zealand Army — no joke), it’s Abdul the boatbuilder/carpenter/goat fucker.

    Anthropology at its finest.

  2. ~kma~ said

    Love the video version…. aaa Paul!

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