Forever A Cupid

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Dear Santa,

Posted by Allison on December 23, 2006

Dear Santa…..

I’ve been a good mom all year. I’ve fed, cleaned and cuddled my children
on demand, visited the doctor’s office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two
cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since
I had to write this letter with my daughter’s red crayon, on the back of a
receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I’ll find
anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I’d like a pair of legs that don’t ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don’t hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
grocery store.

I’d also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of
my last pregnancy.

If you’re hauling big ticket items this year I’d like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that doesn’t broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide
to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, “Yes, Mommy”
to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don’t fight and
three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power
tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting “Don’t eat in the
living room” and “Take your hands off your
brother,” because my voice seems to be just out of my children’s hearing
range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it’s too late to find any of these products, I’d settle for enough time
to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container.

If you don’t mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my daughter saw my
feet under the laundry room door. I think she wants her crayon back. Have
a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don’t catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don’t eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM…!

P.S. One more thing…you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa.

One Response to “Dear Santa,”

  1. Becca said

    lmao!!!! I want these things too

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